Past Impressions
by MegaPenguin
Summary: Nikki's past comes back to haunt her in the image of a former love interest Hanna, but with Hanna's marriage slowly consuming her and controlling her, can Nikki save her?
1. A Facebook Friend Request

The morning Saturday sun shone through the slightly open curtains. I woke naturally to the sound of…nothing. Scotland, one of the quietest places I have ever lived. But I do love it. I sit up and rub my tired eyes. I lean over to my bedside table and check my phone. I sigh looking at the fact no one had text me, apart from Tom, or called me…apart from Tom, but he's not the one I want to be calling me. It had just been over a week since I asked Lorraine out for a drink. I still regret it. I felt so foolish as she gaped at me like I was a ghost or asked her something to do with astrophysics before she even said anything I left. I knew she would say no…I just knew it. After I left I went straight home. I sat alone that night watching Alan Carr's Chatty man. I text her over the course of the week, apologizing. But I had no reply. I had no idea why.

I throw back the covers on my bed and dangle my feet over the side. I look to my clock. 7:30am typical. Even on my holiday I still only sleep to 7:30. I got to my feet, I looked around my beige bedroom, everything in its place, and just how I liked it. I wasn't hungry that morning. I hadn't eaten for a good few days. I walked into the living room and sat on my leather sofa facing the TV. I picked up the remote switching on the TV. Ugh BBC Breakfast, a TV shows I love to hate when Susanna Reid wasn't presenting. I place my phone on the coffee table next to where my feet lay. My eyes focused on the morning show. I feel a small vibration next to my feet. My phone, a text? I pick it up and look at my phone. It wasn't a text, a facebook friend request. As I looked at the request I felt a lump in my throat. It wasn't from Lorraine; it was from someone totally different. My heartbeat quickens as I read the name: Hanna Wilcox.

***Flashback***

"_Nikki!" A woman with brown hair called to me. _

_I look over in the SU Bar and smile at the dark haired French woman whom called out my name. She had long brown hair, green eyes and a smile to kill, she was taking education just like me. Her name was Hanna. Hanna De Bois. She had come from Le Mans to study in London. From the first day I met her I knew there was something so special about her. Her eyes melted me, her smile was just so perfect, the way she talked the way she made me laugh. I smiled just by looking at her. But then she met my flatmate, Oliver and my whole world fell apart. He was your typical pretty boy, his hair neatly trimmed; he had blue eyes, good looks, from Essex. _

_Hanna walks over and sits next to Oliver on the SU sofa; he puts his arm around her and kisses her temple. I gulp as I watch them. _

"_I missed you in lecture today." Hanna said her accent was so thick; she must have had a long day.  
"Yeah, I over slept, someone was up until 3am playing guitar!" I laugh and sit in the chair just next to the sofa begging for someone else to join us.  
"What can I say, I'm a musician…" He laughs.  
"No mon cher, David Bowie is a musician…You are making noise and keeping me and Nikki awake." She chuckles, her laugh always made me smile._

_Oliver just shrugged before looking at his watch. _

"_Oh shit! I'm sorry guys I gotta run. Football." He leans down and kisses Hanna; I can feel my blood boil. _

_They pull away from each other and he looks at her with an adoration. _

"_I'll see you later, mon cher." She strokes his cheek. _

_I try to look somewhere else, trying my best not to look like I'm as uncomfortable as a Satanist in a church. Finally they stop their show of affection. He smiles and wishes me good bye as he leaves the SU bar. Only myself and Hanna sat there, my pulse quickens. I gulp. She smiles at me. _

"_Wanna know a secret..?" She asked.  
"S-sure." I stutter unable to say much more than that. _

_Hanna takes a swig of her Jack Daniel's whiskey. Obvious with whatever she was going to say alcohol had been a big part of it. _

"_I used to like you!" She giggles. _

_My eyes widen. _

"_I'm sorry what!?" I couldn't quite believe what she had said. In a way I almost didn't believe her. "Me? Really!?" _

_Hanna nodded. _

"_There was something about you…I liked." She giggled. _

_I always knew Hanna was at least bisexual, she had that thing about her. She fell in love with people regardless of gender. Its what I liked about her, you could be any kind of person and somehow, someway, Hanna would see the good in anyone. _

"_But then I met Oliver and everything went away." She giggled again. _

_My smile fades. She didn't seem to notice the look on my face. _

"_Right, and on that note, I think I'm going to head to my next lecture." _

_Thank god Hanna wasn't in the same lecture as I. I don't think I could have coped with it. I barely cope with seeing her in the mornings, what was her issue with not wearing pyjama bottoms and only Oliver's shirts! All I could do was look at her. My eyes watching her._

_Shortly after we graduated, Hanna and Oliver got married. I remember the night after the wedding, I spent it crying, I just laid in bed crying. I felt like I'd never feel this way again. It was only for her._

***Reality***

As the years went on, I lost touch with both Hanna and Oliver, but my feelings for Hanna never ever went away, even now as I looked at the picture of her and Oliver she had as her display picture on facebook I could feel those same tears returning. The flowed down my cheeks. But I still tapped accept on my phone. I still wanted her on my friend's list and I had no idea why. Throughout university it was like mental torture, especially near the end. Oliver and I fell out towards the end of second year. Hanna never found out why, it was because he had discovered my feelings for Hanna. After that we had an argument in the kitchen. After that he would almost torture me with her. When I would walk into a room he was all over Hanna like a rash. For years my feelings grew more and more for Hanna, but all I ever got was 'I'll always value a friend like you.' Friend…that's all I'll ever be to Hanna, and sometimes even that isn't enough. But after all these years why was she friend requesting me. I didn't understand it. I look up at the TV and noticed that BBC Breakfast had come to an end. I had sat here for over hour and a half thinking about Hanna and the past. I felt somewhat ashamed by it. Almost dirty. I read through her facebook, still with Oliver. Married to Oliver Wilcox. I decide to look at her career. I spot that she just left a teaching job in London. I scroll down some more. My eyes widened as I read it. I gulped. I felt panicked almost like I should call Michael and quit. My eyes scanned it more times than an x-ray but it didn't change what her new career choice was…

Career: French Teacher at Waterloo Road High School.


	2. The Beautiful Mrs Wilcox

It felt like the holidays couldn't go slow enough. I groaned as I walked through the gate of Waterloo Road High School.

"Morning miss." I was greeted by the sweet smile of my greatest pupil, Jodie.  
"Morning, Jodie." I replied offering her a smile and a small wave.

She walked off with Rihanna as they headed into the main building of the school. I stood there, staring up at the school. The morning sun bounced off the sign of the school. It was still slightly chilly from the recently gone winter.

"Hey…" I hear behind me.

I turn and my eyes settle on my dear friend Tom. I smile once more. Oh Tom, a dear friend.

"Good holiday?" He asked as he started to walk me to the main building.  
"It was alright, I guess." Major lie, my entire holiday had been filled with anxiety attacks, throwing up and way too much beer.

As I looked at the school, something dawned on me. Hanna would be in a totally different part of the school, not to mention if I don't need to see her I won't. I felt a sudden relaxing feel wash over me. The chances of me actually seeing Hanna were very small, but on some level, I do want to see Hanna. Tom was too busy telling me about his holiday to notice I had stopped paying attention. Just in front of us Michael and Christine headed into the main building. I felt Tom stop. I turn and look at him. He stared in awe.

"What are you looking at?" I asked.  
"Her…" He stared gormlessly.

I look in the direction he was staring in. I felt a lump in my throat, my palms became sweaty, my heart picked up pace.

"Oh my god…" I whispered as I looked at her.

She stood there, just looking in the boot of her car to see what she needed to take inside, she looked exactly the same. I gulp looking at her. But I wasn't the only one. Tom, Michael and even Barry Barry had stopped to look at the beautiful woman that she was. I look over at Michael and Christine; she didn't look too amused and simply hit Michael softly on the arm. He chuckles and starts apologizing. I look to Tom who just starts to turn back to the school and as for Barry Barry; he'd already started carrying her books and boxes into the school. I sigh before looking back at her. She wore a beautiful tight red dress with matching red high heels. It was from then I realized that these next few years that I work for the school were most likely going to kill me.

"For your homework, I would like you to look more into your short story and why it means so much to you personally."

The kids all look at me and sigh, I simply shrug.

"Way of the world." I chuckle and sit back at my desk. "30 minutes silent study." I open a folder on the computer and start going through my lesson plans for the next few weeks.

"Miss, can I ask you something?" Jodie asked.

I looked up from my computer to her.

"Of course, anything." I replied.  
"Why is everyone going on and on about the new French teacher, I don't think she's anything special…"  
"What ya talkin' about!?" Barry interrupted. "She's well fit! And that accent! Wouldn't mind takin' her on a date!" He chuckles to himself.  
"Shut up! She'd never go for a loser like you!" Jodie replied.  
"Oh is that a challenge!?" Barry turned to Jodie and was now giving her a deadly glare.  
"That's enough! "I raise my voice, both parties back down.

I stand from my desk resting my hands upon it, leaning forward.

"Number one; She is a very talented teacher, hence why everyone is so excited and number two; there will be no challenge as she is married…happily. So no more shall be said on Mrs Wilcox! Understood!?" Both Barry and Jodie nod and look back to their books.

I sit back down looking back at my computer, unaware that Jodie actually looked up at me and saw me sigh.

I stood in the staffroom stirring my coffee, I heard Tom talking as he walked into the staffroom. I walked from the small kitchenette to my favourite spot by the window. As I sat down Tom entered with Hanna, I held my breath, and neither of them noticed me.

"So, how long have you lived in the UK?" He asked as he held the door open for her.  
"Just shy of twenty years or so. I went to university here." She smiles at him as she walks in.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He places his folder down and grabs two mugs from the side of the sink.

"Tea?" He offers.  
"Oh yes please, milk and no sugar." She replies.  
"So what part of France did you come from?" He asked as he made the tea.  
"I was born and raised in Le Mans, my mother is Italian though, and my father met her on an exchange program to Rome." He hands her the tea, she sips it gracefully.  
"Oh interesting, so you grew up in a world of two cultures?"  
She nods. "Very much so. I enjoyed growing up as an Italian and a French woman."  
"What made you move here?" He asked.  
"I attended university here. In fact, one of my closest friends from university works here. I was hoping to see her."

Before anymore was said Audrey appears. Tom smiles and greets her with a respectful nod.

"Afternoon, Audrey." He greets her.  
"Afternoon, Tom, Hanna." She looks over to me and smiles. "Afternoon Nikki."  
"Hey Audrey…" I call back.

Hanna looks over in my general direction. I feel my heart almost leap out of my chest. I offered her a small wave. She waves back. I can't help it, as much as I didn't want to smile, I could feel my lips curl into a soft and loving smile. The same warmth played in her eyes; she was still the same person I knew all those years ago. Her eyes twinkled as she looked at me. She walked over to me as Tom and Audrey engaged in conversation about the holidays.

"Bonjour…" She says in an almost seductive manner.  
"How are you?" I replied with, I could feel my cheeks flushing.  
"Still quick to the point. I'm well thank you. Long-time no speak." She sits next to me.  
"Yeah, I was really busy with the army after university…" I clear my throat and sip my coffee.  
"So I heard, well done Captain!" She offers a salute. I couldn't help but chuckle at the cuteness of it.  
"Thank you…" I smile and salute her back. "What are you doing here, Hanna?" I asked her.  
"I wanted a change. London was too much and Oliver wanted to move somewhere quiet. We're looking to start a family."

I fell quiet at Oliver's name. I still had some feeling for Hanna, as such, I still had great jealousy. Hanna looked at me.

"I know you and Oliver still haven't spoken in all those years, but I wish he had a friend here. I'd like it to be you." She said softly placing her hand on my knee. I look down at her hand and then push it away standing with my coffee.

"No offense, Hanna, but the last thing I want is to be friends with him again." I turned my back and walked away, something I'd never ever thought I'd do. I headed to the door placing my hand upon the handle opening it and stepping through the threshold. I start to descend down the corridor.

_***Flashback***_

_I sat in the kitchen of our dorm flat; I was reading a text book Hanna lent me. Oliver was sat opposite me. Hanna was just in the shower. The flat was cold. As per usual, the student accommodation hadn't fixed the heating in the kitchen, but it was the only place I could work without distraction or so I thought. The door to the kitchen opens, Hanna stepped through the threshold only wearing a towel, short one at that, stopped just at the bottom of her thigh. I gulped as I watched her. Oliver caught me looking and clears his throat. I look back at my book slightly flushed faced. _

"_Mon cher, the hot water has gone again." She kisses his cheek and wraps an arm around him.  
"Is that what that scream was?" He asked laughing softly.  
"No, I was in the shower and my mind suddenly turned to…" I could see her looking at me. I could hear her hesitation. "You..." She whispers to him before kissing his cheek. _

_I slam closed my book and try to change my attention. He laughs. _

"_Oh my, well, a shower is always better when you come out slightly dirtier." He chuckles to himself.  
"Indeed, mon cher. I shall go and get dressed, and I think us three should head out to dinner." _

_I shake my head. "No, I can't I have an exam in the morning, you two go. Enjoy yourselves." I stand and walk over to the kettle placing it on the boil. _

"_Okay…just us then, mon cher." She kisses his cheek before leaving the kitchen to get ready. _

_I could sense Oliver glaring at me. _

"_I don't know what you're problem is, but you could be a bit nicer, you're the one who introduced us!" He snapped picking up his glass and heading to the sink just next to me.  
"What are you talking about?" I snapped back looking over at him with confusion.  
"Your attitude towards Hanna, I don't know what your problem is, Nikki, but it needs to change. I am in love with Hanna whether you like it or not." He moved back over to his chair, he sits down.  
"Okay one- What makes you think I have a problem with Hanna and two- Introduced you? Hanna came here because I needed to pick something up for a lecture! What on Earth makes you think that I, of all people, would want to set you up with a girl I love?" I shouted back at him. _

_My eyes widened in shock. He stood and walked over to me. _

"_You what?" He came closer and closer to me. I gulped.  
"Nothing…" I look down trying to escape his eye contact.  
"No no. You said, girl I love. You're in love with my girlfriend?" _

_I remained silent. _

_He chuckles. "You thought that a girl like Hanna would go out with a dirty lezza like you? Hanna is mine and always will be. You will never have her. And if you so much as come near her I might do something I regret." I gulped as he backed me up against the wall.  
"So you'd hit a woman? Oh what a big man you are." I spat back at him.  
"You're not a woman, you're a lezza." He pushed be hard so my back hit the wall with a thud. It winded me. I slid down the wall. He walked away from me. I heard Hanna's voice call from the main hall. "Coming babe." He replied. He smirked before opening the door to the kitchen and leaving me against the wall. _

_Tears flowed down my cheeks, sobs escaped me. I didn't know I was scared or the fact that I'd just lost Hanna, but either way, I felt sick to my stomach._


	3. I feel the tears again

Hanna POV:

I lay awake that night, he slept next to me. On his stomach snoring lightly. Ten years ago I would have found it adorable. He was naked as was I we had once again tried to have sex or be close to each other but much like the other times we've attempted I started to cry. Eighteen months since I was able to let him into my body. I know he blames me. Thinks I'm cheating. I do love him. I look down to him and stroke his hair as he sleeps soundly. I love him, just not in the way I should. I am no longer attracted to him or never was and only now just realizing it.

I pull the covers back before letting my legs dangle over the side of the bed. I pick up the robe which was draped at the foot of the bed covering my naked form. The cuts, the bruises which showed on my stomach. I stand and walk over to the full length mirror. I know for a fact he doesn't mean to hit me but sometimes things just become too much for him. He gets stressed and as a wife it's my job to be there for him no matter what. He apologizes to me once he's done it. Once he's realized. I can see the sorrow in his eyes. I want to help him but I'm so scared he might do something again.

Six months ago, I was offered the job as French teacher at Waterloo Road High School, Oliver wanted to move anyway. By chance I thought it would be a great idea to look up old classmates from university. Little did I realize that I'd find Nikki Boston. Oliver doesn't think I had any idea what happened in that kitchen, but I do. I heard what Nikki shouted to him. The rest I couldn't hear. My heart jumped when I heard her.

I touch the mirror, the reflection. My reflection, the woman who really is behind the strong, confident, French teacher, just a sad, lonely, woman who can't have sex with her husband, no matter how much she tries, no matter how much she pretends it to be someone else. I feel sick whenever we try and then his anger consumes him and I'm the only target.

I drop to my knees in front of the mirror. _'Je t'aime ma fille, tu feras de grandes choses.' _The last thing my father ever said to me. It means: 'I love you my daughter, you will do great things.' If he knew how I truly felt…he would be ashamed to call me his daughter.

I hear Oliver stir, I turn my head to face him, but he remained asleep. I stand and walk over to the door, I open it softly. I step through the threshold of the room into the hallway. I close it behind me. The house was in darkness. I reach for a light switch turning it on. The hall lights up.

I always wanted to return home, to France, I miss it. I haven't been back since I got married. I am surprised I am even still French. Whenever I bring it up, Oliver says he does not wish to go. But I am not allowed to go by myself. I think he believes if I go I won't come back. Looking at the state of my current marriage. I am not sure I would.

I descend down the corridor to the bathroom. I have many sleepless nights. I have been put on the strongest sleeping pills but they do not take away the stress, thus I do not sleep. I have been awake for two days so far. My longest being four.

I walk into the bathroom and switch on the tap. I splash cold water on my face before looking in the mirror.

I wonder, many times, who am I? What am I? I feel so trapped, so lost and so hurt. I do not feel like this is home anymore. My marriage is failing. I want a child because I know I'd love a child and a no matter what a child would love me. I feel no love where I am.

I leave the bathroom switching off the light and make my way back to the bedroom. Day by day, night by night, I feel so lost. But that day I saw Nikki. My heart skipped like it had never done before. Those words she spoke to Oliver, fighting him all those years ago came soaring back. I wish I could curl up with her instead of him. But after that fight they had. She didn't want to know me. She didn't like me. She refused to speak to me. When she would ignore me it hurt. She's the only one who knew me the best but it felt all that friendship she threw away and I didn't know why. I wish I did.

I walk back into the bedroom and lay back in bed pulling the covers up over me. I felt him cuddle closer to me. He wrapped an arm around me his hand resting on my stomach; he stroked my stomach and kissed my shoulder. I gulped. He was awake.

I feel the tears again.


End file.
